Just spent a night on the couch of one of my players - her ex boyfriend had come by a couple of days ago and given her a black eye. We stayed up late and watched Gargoyles.

She called my girlfriend, my girlfriend called me, I called her, and I spent the night on her couch. Don't know what I could have done if he had gotten in - my martial arts are about a decade out of practice, and I wasn't that good to begin with. 'Stop, or I shall shout stop again!' maybe?

3:00 AM she got a call that the ex boyfriend had been arrested in her neighborhood. He had a baseball bat and had smashed the window of someone's car - not hers, but a car on her block.

That and the restraining order was enough to get him a trip downtown.

It may seem like restraining orders are a waste of time, but they really can help. She had broken up with him months ago, but he drinks. She is pressing assault charges, the police are adding vandalism for the attack on the car, and disorderly behavior and resisting arrest for good measure. He had the sense not to swing the bat at the cops.

I told her that next time she can call me directly, my girlfriend will understand.

And now my lower back has sent me the bill for sleeping on a small couch.

Ow.

The Auld Grump, I'm too old for this sh*t.

Drama like this sucks and I prefer to avoid it at all costs, but sometimes it is warranted. My martial arts is getting out of formal practice as well. I wish I had the time and money to sink into it. I will just have to settle for the random Irish roll in the dirt a couple of times a year...

Sounds like things are working out for her, at least for now. I hope things get better and not worse for her in the future, as well as the not as near.

which is why I always carry an inflatable bed and a Desert Eagle in my car.


Although I've been told that just a confident or intimidating appearance can put off a bully. Y'know, arch your back, puff out your tail, that sort of thing. Seriously, well done though. Say what you will, most abusers will step back if there's any kind of threat around because (in the case of the few I've met) they're cowards at heart. Bravo, Grump.

Staying on her couch one or two more nights. Just got home to get a change of clothes, my razor, and a toothbrush.

Escorted her to the station tonight, to press charges... the idiot is shorter than I am - maybe five six, in boots. He seemed to be scared of me, gods know why, and apologized for hitting my car with a baseball bat.

I guess he thought that I was her new boyfriend, and I didn't inform him otherwise, I did not talk to the bastard at all other than telling him that it wasn't my car. Freakin' loser, what the Hell did she see in him in the first place?

The owner of the car has not yet responded to the police trying to contact them, so they are in for a not fun surprise.

Freakin' loser, what did he think that he was doing? He seemed surprised that she is pressing charges.

The Auld Grump, and folks wonder why I never get drunk.

Kudos for being the gentleman, not many would, also when you saw him you should have done this...



lol!

you know what that guys problem is? He doesn't have a good friend. Because a good friend would've punched him in the face and told him to write the girl a note of apology and then leave her the F alone.

And good for Grump being a stand up guy.

Yup, a good friend would drag the guy kicking and screaming out of the area. That's what good friends do.

I'm glad to hear you didn't meet the baseball bat. Once upon a time my wife and I lived in an apartment where directly above there was clearly an abusive relationship going on. One day we called the cops, but they weren't coming fast enough, so I went up to... well... I guess just get in the way. Puffing up my chest, I went up and beat pretty loudly on the door. The mammoth of a beast that threw the door open could have squashed me like a bug. But what are you going to do, right? I tried to be as assertive as I could, and I didn't stop talking until I knew the police were there.

Later that day, part of our apartment was found flooded. Apparently the woman slashed their waterbed to pieces. To my knowledge, neither came back to the apartment after that.

Kudos for doing the right thing.

Home again, home again, jiggety jog.

Guy couldn't make bail, so he stays in the cell.

Owner of the car finally reached - she's pressing charges too.

Seeing the idjit lets me at least understand why she made a play for me a few months ago, I have my foibles, but he is a real winner.

I am glad that she called Jackie, and that Jackie called me. I am also glad that she did not make another play for me - I am much better at feeling paternal than amorous.

I need to call Jackie tomorrow, and let her know how things turned out - she was kind of annoyed with me that I had come down hard enough on the girl that she called Jackie instead of me. In my defense, I didn't know what was going on at the time. I don't know how I would have handled it had I known, but it would almost certainly have been better handled.

Jackie seems to have handled things better than I did, though she razzed me about it for months.

The Auld Grump

I don't know if there is such a thing as karma, but if so, then in some past life I had an odd month involving couches and relationships.

Last week I spent three nights on a couch playing watchdog for one of my players, in case her ex-boyfriend stopped by, after a call from my girlfriend. This week my girlfriend's sister is sleeping on my couch because her boyfriend is in the local hospital. Things are touch and go, because of a bit of stupidity on his part.

I once (once!) dated Riley, at my girlfriend's insistence, while Jackie was going to college in Vermont. I think that she feared that while she was out of state that I would start moping - forgetting that moping is my standard modus operandi (mopus operandi?).

This instance left both Riley and I with a single shared thought - 'Jackie, we love you, but, umm, no way'. That was about all that we had in common - Riley, at the time, looked remarkably like the heroine from Tank Girl. Unlike her sister, Riley listened to punk for the most part, at least at the time.

While I do listen to some punk, it is almost always Irish punk, or at least British Isles. I generally listen to Irish folk - one is about drinking, fighting, sex, and how much the world is out to get you, the other is about... okay, they're pretty much about the same thing, really.

The number of Irish punk groups that also sing folk is fairly large - Pogues, Young Dubliners, Dropkick Murphys.....

In regards to the ex-boyfriend, he failed to post bail, and cocaine metabolites were found in his system - it is likely that this is the last to be seen of him for a while. I didn't ask the girl if that boyfriend is why she wanted me to stay the night a few months back. Either way, I am not at all certain that my ego could take the answer.

Is it just me, or do soap operas just sometimes happen?

The Auld Grump, who would much liefer be in a sit com, thank you very much. (Or better yet, a Star Trek spinoff.... )

Thinking about it though - the fact that he smashed the window of 'my' car with a baseball bat does indicate that seeing someone with her did prevent him from going up to her apartment. Either that, or he saw that someone was with her, and went to get his baseball bat.

And, I gather, she was interested in me before she started dating him. But dumping him was what triggered her asking. I, uhm, used the roundabout method of finding out information called 'directly asking her'. Until he showed up and hit her she thought that she was done with him - he came back after her months later. And she dumped him because he was spending way too much money, asking her for loans, not paying them back, and not telling her where the money was going - some of it apparently was going to drugs.

Drugs make people stupid.

The Auld Grump

Drugs make people incredibly stupid, and remove most if not all moral checks that normal people have, when addiction kicks in.

Never, ever, date a drug addict. Seriously. You can't cure them, only they can and only if they really want to and are very heavily motivated. Fortunately I haven't suffered that personally, but many of my clients have and the end results tend to look bad.

Riley's boyfriend has not regained consciousness yet. They do not yet know the extent of any brain damage, and won't, really, until he wakes - but there will almost certainly be some.

In a weird way Jackie and Riley are both 'bad girls' - Jackie pretty much does what her mother would have done had her mother not been raised a Mormon. Riley... is a bit more wild. I was the unsuitable boyfriend that Jackie found (the fact that her mother approves of me is still a bit of a shock, twenty years later) while Riley's beaus have been... perhaps not the wisest choices.

I have such mixed feelings in this instance - I did not like the boyfriend that Riley found, but the damage that he has done has, until now, only been to himself. Even now, he is the one in the hospital, it is how that affects Riley that makes it different, not where it was directed. Self destructive behavior still hurts those around you. How she will handle it if he doesn't recover.... I just don't know. Riley is not as religious a person as Jackie, and Jackie is best described as 'Indeterminate Christian'. (Me, I am Unitarian, leaning towards Deism.) She's just... not as strong as Jackie.

I defaulted back to my standard 'worried about someone' behavior - cooking, making her eat, and talking. Gods above and below, I talk a lot when I am worried about someone.

She headed back home tonight, laden with foods that she is not likely to enjoy, given her current state. It is hard to believe that she is two years older than Jackie, not five years younger.

In some ways I feel a lot more like her father than her sister's boyfriend. Which is more than I can say than for their actual father - the reason neither woman is a practicing Mormon.

I hope that I never hurt or worry Jackie the way he has hurt and worried Riley.

The Auld Grump

The Court order may not prevent the person from trying to do harm or even succeeding, but it helps keep the rule of law instead of the rule of might from prevailing. Mind you it is not perfect and we as individuals have to also be aware of our surroundings and responsible for our own well being be it through arming our self with knowledge of martial skills, weaponry, or the awareness to avoid the situation.
In my personal opinion I believe as our Societies have grown larger and larger we as individuals have started taking less and less personal responsibility, thus placing more and more strain of Law and Governmental agencies which have the speed of Molasses and the efficiency of a 10 year old.
Ah just my long winded nickles worth, but excellent Job AG for actually being part of the solution instead of the issue!!!
-D²

I might not recommend a Court Order as the only precaution taken - but I will recommend it as one of the legal options available. There is nothing to prevent sleeping with a baseball bat or a heavily armed and armored boyfriend as protection as well as getting the CO.

If the idjit gets picked up in the area, as happened in this case, it is that much more that can get thrown at him. The police did assume that he had violent intent when they found him armed in her neighborhood.

Mind you, right now Portland has a decent police chief, which has not always been the case. (Though not, perhaps, as good as Tim Burton, who was a very good police chief... but much, much better than Mr. Chitwood... who made two cops found guilty of police brutality officers of the year....)

Suspenders and belt....

The Auld Grump

The Auld Grump